Written by Nancy Steen, Directed by Gary Halvorson

Guest starring Jacqueline Obradors as Irma

Co-starring Natasha Slayton as Tori

"You know, I think I'm gonna get a fake tree next year. I feel kinda bad hacking down a living thing." -Jesse
"Oh, come on, don't get all environmental on me. It's just a big weed." -Linda

"Ah, our first Christmas miracle. Linda's working." -Diego
"Feliz Navi-shut up." -Linda

"Those aren't done yet." -Linda
"Oh, they can go back in later. They'll survive anything. They're the cockroach of cookies." -Kurt

"Kurt just ruined my cookies. Why'd you have to invite the anti-Claus?" -Linda

"You don't like where I'm putting the ornaments?" -Linda
"Hasn't this trees suffered enough?" -Kurt

"I've gotta say, and I am as straight as the day is long, that is one handsome man." -Danny about Diego

"Don't mention the toilet thing. Okay? I like having custody of you." -Jesse to John