Season 2, Episode 6: Jesse's Flat Tire

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Rating: 12.2


Written by Mark Wilding, Directed by Andrew Tsao

Co-starring Jennifer Lambert as the pissed off girl, Jason Peck as the delivery guy


"Hey, mom, did you ever get to skip school to do stuff?" -John
"Well, they gave me three months off to have you." -Jesse

"All right, let's go. We are taking you out. So brush your hair and put somethin' on that flatters your rack." -Linda to Jesse

"I hate you, I hate you, I really don't care for you!" -Jesse to her car

"A little tip. That's a foreign car. You may want to use a metric bag of leaves." -Diego

"You okay?" -Diego
"My driveway tastes funny." -Jesse

"You wanna go inside?" -Jesse
"No. No, I don't think so." -Diego
"What?" -Jesse
"Oh my God, I'm so kidding." -Diego

"You've gotta get out of here now. Okay, Diego is upstairs, and things are happening." -Jesse
"What's happening?" -Linda
"There's been some touching." -Jesse
"Everybody out!" -Linda

"Oh my God, I hate couples like us." -Jesse
"I know. We're sickening." -Diego

"Why is it, no matter where I wake up, you're there?" -Diego to Linda

"I am so sick and tired of making an ass of myself." -Diego
"Diego, you are not making an ass of..." -Jesse
"Oh no? You have rejected me three times and yet here I stand in front of you with a ring baked in a souffle. Okay? That is the very picture of an ass!" -Diego


Little John goes away for three days to Albany for the Junior Government Conference. After crying about his departure, Jesse decides to rent "Shakespeare in Love" and spend a quiet night at home watching it. Linda and Carrie stop by to see if she wants to go out, and she invites them to join her, but they take off. Then Kurt calls and says he needs her immediately at the clinic because the new girl didn't work out. Jesse fakes sick to Kurt, who doesn't buy it for a second. Then she tries to watch the video she rented, but it turns out not to be "Shakespeare in Love" but some boring documentary. She goes outside to her car to get the right video, and notices that one of her car tires is flat. After smashing her car in fury with a bag leaves, she decides to try to fix it. Luckily, Diego comes by as Jesse is flailing with the tire. They try to fix it together, and are totally unsuccessful, but they notice each other's asses and they fall on top of each other in the driveway. The sexual tension is high, and they decide to give up on the tire. Jesse goes into her house, and then comes running back out and tackles Diego. They're madly kissing, and they go back into Jesse's house. They're about to go upstairs when the doorbell rings. It's Dr. Danny and Kurt. Diego goes to hide upstairs while Jesse pretends to be sick. Kurt has come by to taunt Jesse and her fake illness, Dr. Danny says he'll make hot tea or soup or something, but he's really looking for Carrie. Linda and Carrie come back to watch the movie with Jesse since they got kicked out of the bar they went to. Jesse confides in Linda that Diego is upstairs and things are happening, and Linda helps her get everyone out of the house.

The next morning Jesse and Diego are all lovey-dovey, talking about how great last night was and being such a sickeningly cute couple that they even sicken themselves. They makes plans for dinner that night: Jesse will cook and Diego will bring dessert. Linda catches Diego leaving Jesse's house, and after he leaves Linda asks Jesse what's going on. She says she thinks Diego has finally come to his senses, and he realizes that they're not ready to get married. Meanwhile, Diego is cooking a chocolate souffle for dinner. Carrie stops by looking for Linda, tastes the souffle, and almost chokes on the engagement ring that Diego has hidden in it. He makes her promise not to say anything.

That night, Diego and Jesse are finishing up dinner at Jesse's house, while Linda and Carrie are watching TV at Diego's house. Linda is squirming with the effort of not telling Linda the secret she knows, and it doesn't take much for Linda to get it out of her. While Jesse is eating dessert, Linda calls and warns her about the ring. Jesse tries to get out of eating the rest of the souffle, and Diego figures out that she's trying to avoid the ring. He feels like an ass, and says it's probably time for him to move on. Jesse begs him not to, and asks if they can't just have fun for awhile. The doorbell rings. It's flowers. Jesse thanks Diego for them, and Diego says they're not from him. She read s the card. They're from Kurt, for her miraculous recovery. She turns to Diego to bitch about Kurt, but he's gone out the back door. Kurt has also stuck Jesse with the $40 bill.

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