Season 1, Episode 19: The Parent Trap


"How can they call this Miss Universe? There are no other planets represented here." -Linda

"What if they don't like me?" -Jesse
"C'mon Jess, why wouldn't they like you? You're having sex with their son." -Carrie

"Isn't there anything in this place that's the same?" -John
"We still have those signs over the urinals that say 'We aim to please, you aim too, please.' You wanna go look at them?" -Darren
"That would be nice." -John

"What did she say?" -Jesse
"Uh, she said the woman was a white ghost like a starving dog with no feet." Ah. Of course." -Jesse

"Doesn't this city have the highest suicide rate in the United States?" -Mom
"Actually, that's Seattle." -Jesse
"Oh, so it's just me that wants to kill myself." -Mom

"Y'know what? I bet you they're more scared of you than you are of them." -Jesse
"Jesse, they're not squirrels." -Diego

"I'm an idiot. I'm a moron. Your parents hate me, you hate me, I hate me... Le Tigre seemed to like me." -Jesse


Written by Dana Klein & April Pesa, Directed by Kevin S. Bright

Guest starring Liz Torres as Rosa Vasquez, Reni Santoni as Pedro Vasquez, Irene Olga Lopez as Momma Vasquez, Pepe Serna as Pappa Vasquez. Co-starring Jim Bentley as the maitre'd.