Season 1, Episode 15: Crazy White Female


"Gwen isn't here, is she?" -Diego
"Wow, you're hiding out from her in a bar. How Andy Capp." -Jesse

"Allow me then to apologize in advance for the Diego-shaped chalk outline you're going to find in your driveway." -Diego

"How did Valentine's Day get started, anyways?" -Little John
"Well, people in relationships were trying to figure out a way to torture single people, and that's pretty much what they came up with." -Jesse

"I'm sure he talks about me just, y'know, 'cause we're neighbors. I mean, I'm constantly talking about the guy on the other side, Mr... uh, Mr... Brown... -hair with the leaf blower." -Jesse

"Some of my warmest memories are of you guys playing metaphorical chess." -John.

"Hell, even the guy who makes me dress like a Disney bar-whore deserves to be happy." -Linda


Written by Jeffrey B. Hodes & Nastaran Dibai, Directed by Joe Regalbuto

Special Appearance by Cheryl Ladd

Guest starring Pauley Perrette as Gwen