Season 1, Episode 13: My Casual Friend's Wedding
"I found out that he had the names of eight other girls tattooed on him. His ass looked like the Delcaration of Independence." -Linda
"Oh, well, you know, when I heard Rossmore Country Club I couldn't resist the siren song of tiny little quiche." -Linda
"Well, see, my sister was supposed to fly in from Italy, but her flight got cancelled, which is just as well 'cause I hate her anyway." -April
"She's your identical twin. I thought identical twins had a special..." -Jesse
"Oh no, that's all crap." -April
"I have always looked up to you in high school." -April
Oh really? Which part did you admire? The suspensions, the stoner boyfriend, or my water breaking during the pep-rally?" -Jesse
"Okay, we went left, and you went right. Why don't we wait for you at the end of the conversation." -Jesse
"If Jesse finds out that you like me, even this much, the floodgates will open and you'll have a dozen hungry grandchildren wanting frijoles for breakfast." -Diego
"This guy is David Cop-a-feel!" -Jesse
Written by Nancy Steen, Directed by Robby Benson
Guest starring Megan Ward as April, Charles Esten as Tad. Co-starring Laurie Faso as the bar customer, Mariah Nunn as the wedding guest #1, Lucy Reeves as the wedding guest #2, Susan Yeagley as the wedding guest #3.
Linda breaks up with her boyfriend. Carrie reminds her that the three of them (Carrie, Linda, and Jesse) are supposed to go to April's wedding tomorrow. Linda says she's not going to go, because the reception is at the old country club where her mother used to work, and all the girls there used to call Linda trailer trash. Jesse convinces her to go, reminding her that there will be lots of cute guys there..
At the wedding, before the ceremony, the three girls run into the bride. Although Carrie thinks she was the closest of the three to April, April goes running to hug Jesse. She convinces Jesse to be her last-minute maid of honor, because her sister's plane from Italy was delayed. As Jesse is preparing for the wedding, and putting on a hideous bright red dress that is too big for her, Linda comes in and tells her that she found a cute guy, and was just making out with him in the coat closet. When April brings her fiance, Tad, in to meet the girls, Linda realizes that it was Tad with whom she made out in the coat closet.
Jesse thinks that they should tell April what happened, since she remembers her own experiences with a cheating husband. Linda doesn't want to tell April because then all those girls out there who thought she was trailer trash will now think she's grown up to be a home-wrecking slut. Jesse says fine, they won't tell April, but she wants to have a talk with Tad. She goes to find Tad, and takes him into the coat closet to talk. Meanwhile, April comes running into the bridesmaid chambers looking for Jesse, extremely upset. She ends up telling Linda her troubles, which are that someone just told her that they saw Tad making out with some girl in the coat closet. Linda tries to comfort her.
Jesse is trying to tell Tad that he needs to get his act together, and is trying to get him to feel some remorse. He tries to make excuses, and say that he's not married yet, and he hits on Jesse. Finally he fakes breaking down in tears, and runs to Jesse for a comforting hug. April throws open the door to the coat closet and finds Tad and Jesse in this apparently compromising position. She yells at Jesse and runs back out to the reception area, where Tad and Jesse chase her. She thinks Jesse is the one that was making out with her fiance. Jesse tells her it's not true, but that she should think twice before marrying the scad. Tad breaks down into tears again, and April comforts him and tells him everything will be all right. Jesse again tries to convince April that she would be making a mistake by marrying Tad, and she doesn't want to see April make the same mistake she did. April says she would never make the stupid mistake of getting pregnant before getting married. Jesse holds in her anger. Linda steps up to admit that it was she who was making out with Tad. Jesse interrupts her and claims that it was she. April is no longer listening. Linda finally tells April that it was she. Then another female wedding guest says she made out with Tad too. Then another. Then Carrie says she slept with him. April yells at Tad and runs away.
Meanwhile, Jesse's dad, John, is left with no one to work at the pub. He recruits Darren and Junior, who are there bonding with Little John. Diego shows up and offers to help out, but John doesn't want help from Diego. Darren and Junior are disasters. Darren can't remember any orders correctly, and Junior is so anal about making drinks that he can't seem to get any actually made. Again, Diego offers his help, and again, John refuses it. When Darren comes back to the bar saying he promised all tables a free beer when he got their drinks wrong, and he had gotten ALL of their drinks wrong, and Diego tells John that he worked at the Hard Rock Cafe in Santiago, John finally brings Diego on board. Diego immediately gets everything under control, and even finds time to joke with the customers about American sports, something he knows nothing about. At the end of the dinner rush, Junior and Darren tell Diego how grateful they are, but John has to have his arm twisted by all three young men before he'll even tell Diego "thank you."